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Ranch Life The Style Section

Redneck Fashion

It’s hard to be chic while living on a ranch.  Sure, I’ve got my Citizens of Humanity jeans and my open toed black heels, but can I really wear that stuff out in a pasture full of poo? 

I recently realized that M’ Boots and a nylon jacket aren’t quite protection enough for my clothes.  It turns out, poop stains.  And that 18 inch section of my legs that isn’t covered by my “uniform”?  Always ends up with shit on it.

Enter Redneck Fashion.  That’s right, I’m talking about Coveralls for the Ladies.

Tell me you don’t want a pair of these:


Matching green clogs and back hoe not included.

I think the neckerchief and camisole really set this one off nicely.


And also, apparently women who wear coveralls like to stand around with their legs up on the equipment.  Sexy.

And for the home gardener, there’s a floral pattern.  The equivalent of Camo for ladies, apparently.


Funky fresh red tennies $20 extra.

For a minute I thought I might just settle for wearing men’s coveralls, but dammit.


I’m not a gay mechanic in the 1970’s.

Finally, just as I was about to give in to forever having poop stains on all of my clothes, I found these.


Maybe it’s the absence of a model, but these are looking pretty dang nice.  Redneck ladies, we finally have an option.  Just not from the local Wal-Mart.

Project Runway take note: this is an area that needs some serious attention in season six.  I smell a challenge coming on, complete with real live rednecks as models.

Categories
Ranch Life

Totally Gratuitous Puppy Shots



Awww, sleepy puppehs.



“Pick on someone your own size!” says the pup on the right to the big yellow and black pups on the left, who are clearly picking on the little black runt between them.



“I didn’t mean ME!”



“Will somebody pick me up, please?”



“It’s MY turn, shorty.”

Categories
Life in general Ranch Life Travel

1300 Miles

When you were a kid, did your parents ever tell you that your favorite dog went to live on a farm, where he/she was now happily running free like the wind?  Well, let me tell you a little something – first of all, that dog was probably dead as a door nail.  Second of all, not all dogs are cut out for farm life.

Take our little Lucy dog, who pushed her way into our hearts and lives to the point that we adopted her, instead of finding her a home like we had planned.  She’s a great dog – smart and affectionate, loyal and sweet.  But girlfriend freaks out around large animals.  I thought she’d get better about it as she grew, but instead, her reactions got worse. 

So, with a heavy heart I made the best decision for her, and found her a loving home with my cousin in Arizona.  Who, I might add, had wanted to adopt Lucy for months but I had selfishly declined, planning to keep every ounce of her puppy love for myself.

On Monday I gave her a little spa treatment.




She said good-bye to her big brother, and cuddled up next to him for the last time.

Tuesday morning we got up before dawn and began our journey South.  We did things two girls on a road trip usually do.

We saw the sunrise.


We experienced the frustration of being forced to pee in undesirable places.




When we finally found a patch of grass, we took a little break for lunch and a belly rub.



Lucy convinced me to let her out of her crate to roam around the car, and rewarded my confidence by promptly taking a nap.  While pretending to be on guard, of course.



After nearly 10 hours on the road, we arrived at our destination: a park in the little town of Blythe, California.  When I saw Blythe on the map, I couldn’t resist making it our meeting spot.  Now I can tell Blythe I’ve been to “her” town. 

We played and had a snack while Lucy bonded with her new family.




Eventually, it was time to say good-bye.  I stopped being the mommy and became the auntie.



Lucy loaded up in my cousin’s car and we waved as we drove in opposite directions.  She’s off to start her new life, where she’s being spoiled with a big yard, a pool, constant affection and indoor privileges, nary a pig or cow to be seen.

I drove off into the sunset, alone in a quiet car, no wet nose rubbing against my elbow.



A few hours later I arrived at the home of Heather and Mike Spohr in Los Angeles, where I got to meet the world famous Maddie Moo.




Maddie is even cuter and smilier in person than she is in pictures – something I didn’t think was possible.  Their little dog, Rigby, brought her boyfriend Mordecai out for a little XXX show, but she must have gotten stage fright and abandoned him on the living room floor.  I admit, I was a little disappointed.

Before too long, I took Maddie’s cue and went to sleep.    After driving 850 miles in one day, I don’t think even an earthquake could have woken me up.  The next morning, I drove the final 450 miles home to my girls, my husband…
 
And life on the farm without Lucy.

*Today’s post on Sexy Makes a ComebackDaily Make-up.*

Categories
Life in general Ranch Life

The Aftermath

I was able to take a few snapshots of the fire’s aftermath this morning.  Unfortunately, I had to take them as I drove because Blythe woke up at the ungodly hour of 5 AM and was falling asleep in the back seat.



This is where the fire started.  Just beyond the trees is the mulch place, where it really got going.



The trees here used to be so thick, you couldn’t see into the place.  All those mounds are mulch and bark, still smoldering.


You can see where the fire went along the road as well as along the fence line, burning away.  The middle section is our rental property, where Jeremy disced.  The fire couldn’t catch hold there.



The house on the left is our rental.  The fire went completely around it – I can’t believe how lucky we were!


In contrast, this is a “before” picture of the rear of the property, from back in March.  We had a picnic while getting the rental ready for the current tenants and took lots of photos.  Several of these houses are gone now.



The fire went on a ways (where I can’t get to in a car) and came out here, which is behind our house.  This is where I ran into the wall of fire and smoke while we were evacuating.


This is the right side view of the railroad tracks, shown above.  The homes you see here are in a small subdivision that was just built a year or so ago.  The fire came right up to their yards, but firefighters were able to divert it.  It’s crazy to think that if the housing market hadn’t slowed down, you’d be looking at burned up houses right now.



Here’s the other side of the road, where it just kept on going.



And going. 

Fortunately, between a farmer having his many acres irrigated for cattle as well as prepped for fire season, and helicopters defensively pouring water in the fire’s path, they were able to contain it and put it out only a few hours after it started.  Four houses, an out building, a truss plant and the mulch place burned, along with hundreds of acres of grassland.

Looking at those photos, it is apparent even to those who aren’t familiar with ranching, that having acres upon acres of tall, dry grass is not a good idea.  Even a disced fire break 15 feet wide is no match for a fire with 25 mile per hour winds pushing it along. 

Categories
Life in general Ranch Life

Target Practice

* Disclaimer *  The following post contains simmering anger.  I’m not going to edit it, or try to make it witty.  But I’ve got to get it OUT.  Read at your own risk.

I was playing on the floor with Blythe when I heard a knock on the door.  Since I didn’t hear a car pull up, I figured it was one of our employees. 

Nope, it was code enforcement and a Sheriff.  Turns out, someone made a couple of complaints about us, and they were here to investigate.  Complaint #1: A diesel tank.  About a year ago, we had a diesel tank put on the edge of our property.  Before we could even start looking into installing it and having it filled, one of our neighbors (we have very few) threw a hissy fit about it.  We decided not to use it, and had it removed.  End of story, right?  Wrong.  But clearly it’s not even THERE anymore, so on to…

Complaint #2: Someone reportedly living in a motor home on our property.  Um, do you SEE anyone living in a motor home?  Yes, we do have an old motor home sitting over there in the corner, we used to use it for Jeremy’s softball tournaments.  The whole team would ride up in there.  But, clearly, it hasn’t been used in quite some time, and no, other than BUGS, there is no one living there.

So after they left, satisfied that no codes needed enforcing, I called Jeremy and was all, WTF is up with our neighbors?  It turns out, Jeremy HAD gone into the motor home that morning to take out anything he wanted to keep, because he was having someone pick it up and scrap it.  So, now we aren’t even allowed to STEP FOOT IN OUR OWN MOTOR HOME, on OUR OWN PROPERTY, without someone turning us into code enforcement for LIVING IN IT.

I probably would be able to just laugh it off if someone hadn’t turned us in a couple of weeks ago for “illegally installing a pool”.  I was out front, minding my own business, when the county inspector drove up.  But um, yeah, that pool’s been there for YEARS.  Turns out, though, we had a few other issues, now that WE WERE BEING PUT UNDER A MICROSCOPE. 

But, fortunately, that’s all being taken care of.  And, miracle of miracles, the people on the county side of things are being very nice and helpful.  And the inspector fell in love with Bella while he was here, and decided to adopt her, so that was an added bonus.

The thing is: why do our (very few) neighbors HATE US?  When we moved here, they told us to GO BACK TO THE CITY.  But we’re not even FROM the city, we’re from, like, a mile away.  So we fixed up what had been a condemned house, landscaped, cleaned the place up.  Installed nice fences, slowly accumulated cattle and farm equipment.  We keep our fields irrigated and cut.  When Jeremy’s out there, he even cuts and/or discs our neighbor’s property FOR FREE if they want. 

We also share a gravel road with a few people.  When we moved here, it was full of potholes and was down to dirt in a lot of places.  EVERY YEAR, we pay for more base rock to be delivered, and we (and by we I mean Jeremy, of course) smooth it out.  EVERY YEAR, they get their road repaired FOR FREE.

We’ve done nothing but bring their home values UP.  So what’s the problem?  Is it the fact that we have all our teeth?  Is it because we don’t have a yard full of junked up cars?  Is it because our animals are well taken care of, and we don’t live in a mobile home?  Is it because we don’t cook crystal meth in our barn?  Is it because we shower regularly?

Tell me, people.  TELL ME.

And a word of advice:  if ever you decide to move to a ranch for all that space and privacy, try to buy like a hundred acres, and put your house right in the middle.  Because apparently, 11 acres is NOT ENOUGH SPACE for people to get up out of your business.