Category: Motherhood and Pregnancy

Categories
Motherhood and Pregnancy

Try, Try Again

I drifted off to sleep last night, exhausted and looking forward to a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.   I needed that sleep.  I earned it and I deserved it, because I’ve been sick and there’s no number to call in for a sick day from motherhood, and I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself sometimes.

Whine, whine… can’t a woman just get a little sleep around here?  Is that so much to ask?  Apparently.
 
About 45 minutes in to what was going to be an amazing night of sleep, I felt a poke.  It was Alison, telling me she’d just thrown up in her bed.  On the sheets I had just washed, not 12 hours prior, and am I horrible that I thought that first before asking her if she was OK?

I helped her brush her teeth and change her clothes, and then I set about changing her sheets.  Now, I’m a total rookie at middle-of-the-night puking, and I am pretty happy about that.  Until last night, Alison had thrown up only one other time in her whole life.

So it took me awhile.  And there were some mishaps involving my feet and hands going into places I didn’t realize had been soiled.  But I stayed calm, loving and understanding because, after all, my little girl was sick!  Eventually, I tucked her back in to her fresh sheets with a trash can by her bed and a Tupperware bowl by her pillow.  

I said good night and went back to bed, naively thinking I was going to get some sleep.  Instead, she called for me every 2 or 3 minutes, for almost three hours.  I tried to channel my own mother, the one who would wipe my brow with a cool cloth and have never-ending patience with me whenever I was sick as a child.  She later told me that taking care of us when we were sick was one of the things she absolutely hated the most in the world.  But you never would have guessed it by her gentle demeanor.

I, on the other hand, was freaking frustrated, and tired.  All I wanted was for her to go back to sleep and get some dang rest so that I could get some rest.  I think maybe I would have had more patience if she had actually been throwing up, but she was just afraid she was going to throw up.  And she wanted me to sleep on the floor by her bed.  Where her throw up hand landed, only a short time before. 

Is it because I haven’t slept through the night in over 16 months that I am so cranky, or is there some motherhood gene I’m missing, that I can’t be compassionate for more than an hour in the middle of the night? 

I feel selfish and horrible, that I couldn’t just be what she needed: a mother who would stay in her room all night, lovingly stroking her brow.

Categories
Kids Life in general Motherhood and Pregnancy

The Lighter Side of Things

I’ve been a little down lately, and sluggish in general.  Well, it’s hard to say “lately” when it’s actually my general state of being, with a few energetic days thrown in here and there.  But I’m working on it.

Anyway, I noticed I lost an email subscriber the other day and it made me wonder, Has my general attitude changed the feel of my blog?  I think maybe.  Erm, probably.  I’m proud of the introspective posts I’ve written, but it’s time to lighten things up a bit.

So, here are a few of the things that have made me belly laugh lately.  A bit of a warning: most of them have to do with poop or boobs.  Apparently, I find them really funny.  Who knew?

*  We were leaving my mom’s house and she was buckling Alison into her car seat.  Alison suddenly said, in a very sing-songy voice, “I just pooted in your fa-ace!” (obnoxious, I know).  And my mom sung back, “My face wasn’t near your bu-utt!”.  Something about a 58 year old woman singing that had me in stitches.

*  Blythe is very interested in going on the potty like the rest of us.  She’s actually gone pee a few times, but it’s very hit or miss.  The other night I noticed she was making her “poop face” and got her on the potty lickety-split. 

She wasn’t interested, and wandered off.  I got distracted by running the bath and before I knew it, she came back with a big dingle berry hanging off of her rear end.  Which was made even funnier by her doing a little booty-shake dance next to the tub.

As I was wiping her up, I heard Alison yell from the kitchen, “Ew, Mom!  Someone pooped on the floor!” which I subsequently had to clean up, laughing all the while.

*  I was having tummy troubles earlier this week, which were accompanied by some frequent bathroom visits.  On the way home from picking Alison up from school, I suddenly had to GO.  I got Alison out of the car and she stepped out of my way, saying, “You go ahead of me mom, I don’t want you to have an accident in your pants”.  So thoughtful, that girl.

*  Alison and Blythe discovered a Motown Love Songs CD and have fallen in love with it.  Their favorite is “Stop in The Name of Love”, which they now dance to, nightly, after the bath – in the nude, most of the time.  They spin and spin around until they collapse on the floor, in fits of giggles.  And then they do it all over again.

*  One morning Blythe woke up, crying, just as I was getting out of the shower.  I rushed in there to get her, and as soon as she saw me she stopped crying and said, “BOOBIE!”.  She hadn’t seen a breast since she stopped nursing in July, so I was kind of curious what she was going to do when I picked her up.  She gently grabbed one nipple between her thumb and forefinger, made a face like she was straining and said, “OW-CH!”.  Then she did it with the other one.  Can you tell we have a history of her pinching and biting me while nursing?

*  On the topic of boobs, she and my mom were playing the other day and my mom leaned over her to get a toy.  And Blythe bit her – right on the boob.  What can I say?  She’s teething, and apparently a (clothed) boob near her face looked like a teething ring.

*  And one more boob reference, alright?  This post by Redneck Mommy – hilarious.  But learn from my mistake – don’t scroll down while your 4-year-old is looking over your shoulder.  There WILL be questions, and it’s hard to answer them appropriately while you’re laughing.

———–

What made you laugh this week?

Categories
Entertainment Life in general Motherhood and Pregnancy

The Price of Silence

The sun glints off the tip of my scalpel as I prepare to make an incision.  I hesitate – is this really necessary?  A quick nod, and seconds later the sharp blade pierces the skin above my heart. 

I remove the slippery, pulsating organ and place it gently on a platter made of fine, polished silver.

“We need to talk,” I whisper, poking an aorta with my gloved finger.

My heart says nothing, just continues its rhythmic beating as if it were still encased in my chest.

I take a deep breath and begin the meticulous dissection of my warm heart.  They must be in there, somewhere.  The place that pounds when I see billows of smoke in the distance, even if it’s only visible when my eyes are closed.  The spot that squeezes when I see a pregnant woman, and I don’t even understand why.   The general area that leaps into my throat when I think my dark thoughts in the middle of a sunny day.  They must be silenced, for they won’t listen to reason.

My search is in vain.  All that sits upon the tray is bloody, cut up meat where a perfectly performing heart once was.  Disappointed, I place the mess back into the gaping hole in my rib cage, and close it with my needle and thread.

“I was afraid this might happen, ” I say quietly, and make my way to the bathroom.  I wash the scalpel, wipe it dry. 

My eyes travel upward with the arc of my hand.  A single drop of blood splashes on the counter top as I make the first of many cuts that will lead me to my brain.  It must be silenced, for it won’t listen to reason.

Categories
Life in general Motherhood and Pregnancy

Work Related Injuries

I have a torn rotator cuff.  How do I know?  Dr. Google told me so!

After doing some extensive research, the recommended treatment is not as drastic as I assumed it would be.  In fact, I can ice it, compress it, and us it less often right here at home, no medical degree required.

Which makes me feel pretty stupid for letting it fester and get worse for a whole year.

Dr. Google also listed some of the more common ways people tear their rotator cuff.  None of them really apply to me, so I’ve come up with a list of possibilities.

1.  Blythe has always preferred to nurse on the right side – so all that holding her in place was just too much for the old shoulder.

2.  My shoulder just couldn’t handle lifting my 35 pound child and carrying her back to bed night after night.  After night. 

3.  Something I’m calling “Soccer Mom Arm” which could also be known as “Mini Van Arm”.  I neither drive a mini van NOR have kids in soccer, but the syndrome is the same, regardless.  I reach into the backseat every two minutes, the whole time I’m in the car with my kids.  Who wouldn’t tear their rotator cuff with all that backward reaching?

4.  Hatch-closing.  On our old SUV, I had to reach up, grab the hatch, and pull it down hard to close it.  Luckily, I am now spoiled with my remote hatch-closer, and I couldn’t possibly love that feature more.

5.  Lifting all those weights.  Back and shoulders are my favorite body parts to work on, so this is a possibility.  Although, why the right and not the left?  Am I lopsided and just haven’t realized it?

6.  My body did not like turning 30 last year and is staging a revolt.  Is it all down hill from here?

Now I’m off to try and wrap an ace bandage around my armpit.  With the current heat index, that bandage should be smelling quite nice by the time I’m done.

Categories
Allergies Life in general Motherhood and Pregnancy

Baby Girl

Sweet baby girl.  Here you are, snuggled against me as we rock in the dark.  Your hand gently strokes my wrist while I sing you a lullaby.  I watch as your silhouette rises and falls with every slow breath.  You yawn, so I give you one last squeeze.  I lightly kiss your cheek, lay you in your bed and cover you with your blanket.  “I love you, baby girl,” I whisper, “good night”.  As I close the door behind me, I hear you whisper back, “Ni-ni”.

How far we’ve come, baby girl.  There was a time, not so long ago, that you would not allow me to cuddle you.  Being still was not something you were capable of – suddenly, as if your insides could not rest.  Most nights, you would strain against me, your body rigid for long minutes at a time.  Your back would arch, your arms and legs would become as stiff as boards.  Sometimes, I could not hold your flailing body and would place you in the only safe place I could think of – your crib.  I would lie on the floor beside you, tears trickling down my face as you threw your tiny body against the sides.  On these, our worst nights, you would scream for hours before finally lying still.  Every few minutes your little legs would spasm and I worried, every time, that it was not over.  How I would search you for bruises the next day, sure you were hurt.

Nights were our worst times, baby girl.  All the smiles and laughter of the day were gone when darkness fell.  But now, thankfully, your body can rest.  Finally, I don’t go to bed feeling helpless to soothe you.  

You are well.


 

* I was truly inspired by this post by Anymommy *

** Blythe was suffering from an undiagnosed corn allergy.  If your baby/child has similar bouts of  hyperactivity, please go here for more information.  Blood tests as well as scratch tests can be done by a pediatric allergist, to determine if your child suffers from corn allergy. **