Author: Dre

Categories
Life in general

October

October has been a month of clarity for me.  It’s been a very, very busy month.  I turned 30, read the first 4 Harry Potter books in one week (I’m going to reward myself with the 5th after I get a specific list of things done), got rid of a bunch of stuff that’s been hanging around my house, painted and cleaned the house we rent out in a record 4 days, and started seeing things clearly for the first time in months.  I had six pints of blood transfused when I hemorrhaged, and stayed in the hospital three days.  I didn’t even have the strength to lift my arms – someone had to do it for me.  After that, I got through life because I had to.  I took care of Blythe because she was a newborn and needed me, and that’s what moms do.  I loved her, I know I did – but it wasn’t until recently that I was able to see her clearly, and I have fallen head over heels in love with her.  Before, everything I did, saw, thought – was through a haze of fatigue that I just couldn’t move through.  My body wouldn’t work right, my mind was muddled.  But then October came and suddenly, I am me again.  I didn’t realize I hadn’t really laughed in months until I laughed a real, hard belly laugh.  I didn’t realize I hadn’t moved through a day with ease until I found myself dancing with Alison because I wanted to, and she hadn’t even asked.  It wasn’t until I saw the look of absolute joy on her face that I knew I had been neglecting her.  Meeting her needs, yes – she was fed, clean, read to – but oh, to be dancing with mommy for no particular reason, right there in the middle of the living room.  Life was good.

It’s not that I didn’t care about other people during that cloudy time, because I did.  But I held everyone at arms length, without meaning to.  I didn’t keep in touch with people very well, didn’t engage in conversation.  I just couldn’t.  I appreciated the fact that I was alive, but deep feelings weren’t accessible to me .  This month my husband and I have been staying up late (even though we’re exhausted at the end of the day) talking about nothing in particular and everything that’s important.  I have been walking around with this unexplainable tight feeling in my chest and it’s kind of like that first-day-of-school pent up excitement from when I was a kid.  Life awaits.  I can’t wait for Jeremy to get home every day, so I can be near him.  Alison makes me laugh out loud all day – and although I enjoy a break from her, I miss her so much when she’s away from me because she lights up every room she enters.  And Blythe – my heart hurts with my love for her.  We have gone through so much in her little lifetime.  She’s going to be a survivor, that one.

So today is the last day of October.  Alison has a Halloween party at school this morning and I’m excited to go and watch her in the costume parade.  I’m looking forward to taking her trick-or-treating in the mall tonight (I don’t brave the streets with small children – I’m too paranoid) and it’s amazing to me that I don’t dread going out in public.  Tomorrow is the first day of November, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me.

Categories
Home and Garden

I heart method, people against dirty

Today I had a wonderful kid-free few hours during which I browsed the aisles at Target and did my grocery shopping.  On my list for Target was “method laundry detergent and dryer sheets”.  I picked these up at the Target Greatland about 30 miles from me last time I was there because I was all out of the Trader Joe’s ‘next to godliness’ detergent I usually use – which, by the way, I also have to purchase about 30 miles from home.  I had used method hand soap previously, but that was all I could find at my local Target so I was so very pleased to find more products to try.  Anyway, they work great, I wanted some more, and I hoped they would have some at my Target.  Boy, was I in for a treat – it suddenly has LOADS of method stuff.  I spent half an hour filling up my cart with all kinds of cleaning supplies to replace the nasty stuff I have been forced to buy because all-natural cleaning products have been so difficult to come by in my small town.  First thing I tried out when I got home today was the beautiful omop, (www.methodhome.com) which functions as a dust mop as well as a wet mop.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I never read the pamphlets that come with stuff unless I have absolutely no clue how to use something.  But I LOVE reading the method pamphlets.  They are witty, well written and leave me feeling extra good about my purchase.  Plus, how often do you come home excited to clean your floors?  I am especially excited to find gentler cleaning products I can consistently have access to, because Blythe is starting to ‘army crawl’ and pretty soon she’ll be putting her little parts (and probably her mouth) all over our floors, among other things.  Left to do today: throw out everything in my cleaning cabinet and replace with the bounty of method stuff I now have!  Yippee! 

Categories
Motherhood and Pregnancy

Peg Perego, the Holy Grail of Strollers

My first child, Alison, rarely rode in a stroller.  When she did, it was a hand-me-down from my sister-in-law.  I honestly couldn’t tell you what brand it was, but I remember that it was blue.  I used it 2 or 3 times.  Mostly, she rode in the snugli or baby bjorn until she could walk, which was at 15 months.  Around that time I started using an umbrella stroller occasionally when we traveled because she was unwilling to be strapped to me anymore.  With Blythe, things are completely different.  I hemorrhaged two weeks after she was born and physically couldn’t carry her infant carrier by myself.  Along came yet another hand-me-down from my friend Kim, a stroller frame designed to hold a Graco infant car seat.  That thing is great!  It’s lightweight, can fit in the smallest space and is so convenient for running errands or just about anything.  Just snap and go!  I fell deeply in love with this stroller and never, ever left the house without it for the first 4 months.  Being the anal-retentive person I am, I started to worry what I would do once Blythe outgrew her infant carrier and I could no longer use this stroller I was so attached to.  I started asking people about their strollers and researching them online.  A whole new world opened up to me – I had no idea there were so many options!  And then I found it online: the perfect stroller that I could use for Blythe now, as an infant, and that would grow with her.  The Peg Perego Venezian.  Oh, how I wanted it.  I started noticing them when I was out and about, and was gawking at them more than once, causing alarm to those around me.  But no way could I justify spending $450 on a stroller, no matter how much I thought I’d be using it.  Even on Craigslist they are close to $300.  I figured I would just pine away, until I found one I felt was affordable online.  Then one day, in a consignment store near me (www.kids-barn.com) I came across it by accident: my Holy Grail.  A Peg Perego Venezian, in perfect condition (although missing the snack tray – easily fixed, they are $35 on the Peg Perego site) and everything I ever dreamed it could be.  The price tag?  A very affordable $100.  I was in Heaven.  After being given a quick demonstration on how to work it, I wheeled my prize out to the car and started using it 30 minutes later.  Even Alison, who never has been a stroller girl, loved it.  Since it is so versatile, she could easily ride in it and I could convert it for Blythe to use a minute later.  Blythe is so much more willing to take a nap in the stroller when we us the Peg Perego, because she can lay flat instead of being in a seat.  I still use the snap-in stroller for errands (because it really is so easy) but most of the time I use my lovely Venezian just because it makes me smile.

Categories
Motherhood and Pregnancy

Baby names

It’s so hard picking a name for a baby.  You want to pick something that is an extension of yourself, but still allows the child to be an individual.  Something not too trendy but not too far out there.  Something that will fit her as a child but look good on a resume.  Jeremy and I both came up with a lot of names for both our kids, but we had a hard time agreeing on one.  Well, actually, we settled on boy names right away but wouldn’t you know we’d only have girls.  Jeremy picked some pretty icky names for girls both times like Kiara and Tiera – fine names for other people, but not my girls.  When I was pregnant with Alison, we agreed that he would pick the boy name and I would pick the girl name – but when we found out we were having a girl, he changed his mind because he thought the name I had picked (which was Payton Olivia) was a boy name.  Now that both Payton AND Olivia are popular names, I’m actually glad I got vetoed.

Everyone in the universe seems to think it’s OK to comment on the name you’ve chosen, while you’re pregnant.  With Blythe, people either loved her name or hated it.  Most often people would say (and still do), “What is it again?” and then, “How do you spell that?”.  With Alison I was told I was misspelling her name – but I am a lover of grammar, so I spelled it phonetically.  I love the names we chose for both girls, not that we call them by their names very often.  No one tells you, when you’re choosing your baby name, that (for the first year or two anyway) you won’t even call the baby by her name so you may as well wait and pick a good one.

It doesn’t matter what name you choose for your child, even if you’ve decided that you’ll call them by a nickname.  We thought we might call Alison “Ali” but we don’t.  Jeremy thought he’d call Blythe “Bly” and I thought I’d call her something relating to “Bee” but we don’t.  What I do call them are embarassing names that I’m almost ashamed to call them in public.  And oddly, I don’t call Blythe by names I called Alison.  Why do I call Blythe “Goolly-goo-goo”?  Something having to do with an Eddie Murphy stand up routine I remembered from decades ago.  I tried to stop calling her that, but I can’t.  It just comes out of my mouth before I can stop it – and when she laughs, how can I call her something different?  Same with “Buggy-boo”.  “Booger”.  I can just imagine her going by “Booger” in Junior High.  The worst one by far is what I call Alison, and that is “Pooter” or sometimes, “Pooty-Alison”. 

Alison’s gotten me back lately though, by deciding that instead of calling me “Mama” she’ll call me “Old Lady” since I sometimes call her “young lady”.  I guess that’s my just desserts!

Ahhh, the sweet life!