What Did I Do Today? I Choose Not to Remember

While I’m sitting in my squeaky jury chair, you all get to read a recycled post from Jessica Bern of Bern This.  She claims it’s from a time when she didn’t have any readers, but somehow I have a hard time believing such a time existed.  When Jessica’s not busy spreading joy at her local ER, she’s filming hilarious webisodes of Bern This.  If you haven’t already, head on over to check her out – but not before leaving a comment!  Maybe reading them will stop me from stealing all the donuts during court recess.  Maybe.

WHAT DID I DO TODAY?  I CHOOSE NOT TO REMEMBER

Today, I was a contestant on a game show called “21” which I can only hope and pray will never, EVER air. It involved “knowledge” of Blackjack as in “I “know” I’m going to draw a crappy card” and pop culture.

There were three contestants per show. The other two in my group consisted of a former Iranian who regaled us all with a story of his growing up with a pet COW who he found out seemed to produce the most milk when listening to the sounds of a flute which is how this guy ended up becoming, yes, that’s right, a professional flute player, amongst other things.

Now, before I tell you about the other guy, I need to draw you a picture. He had the face of a marshmallow, mushy and of similar color only WHITER and he was built like a bird to the point where I kept waiting for him to burp and cough up a worm. To match his extraordinary good looks, he was one of the most arrogant people I have ever met and on top of it all that has been on Jeopardy (and WON) Millionaire (and WON) and several other shows that I can’t remember because after I heard about the first two I couldn’t stop thinking, “THIS GUY IS GOING TO KICK MY ASS!”

By the time we hit the stage my only goal in life was to make sure that “birdman” lost. How I was going to go about doing that, I had no idea, but I was determined. That was until the host asked us…

HOST: Who are Jaimie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay….

and before he could finish “birdman”‘s already yelling out the correct answer,

BIRDMAN: “CHEFS!”

while in my mind the closest I could get was to think, “God those names sound familiar.”

The only good news was that although “birdman” possessed an uncanny ability to remember completely useless information, he had no control over the cards he was dealt both in life and on this show.

Now, I cannot tell you who won or lost but I can tell you that the host was Alfonso Ribiero. Yes, that would be the Alfonso Ribiero who used to star with Will Smith on the “Prince of Bel-Air” but is now the host of a cable based game show while Will is, at this very moment, one of the most famous and highest paid actors on the face of the earth.

Needless to say, every time I got down on myself and started to feel hopeless, I just had to take one look at Alfonso, standing there, yelling

ALFONSO: “So, who wants to win $25,000?!!!”

to know that if a person’s CAREER could crash and burn like that then so could “birdman”‘s winning streak.

Next question please.

Come back on Friday for an anonymous bitch fest, and bring your dirty laundry!