Dear Mail Lady Postal Carrier,
My oh my, I am SO flattered that you would drop two tickets for a Caribbean Cruise in my mail box! I mean, a cruise for ME? When you had so many other customers you could have handed them off to? I hardly think my girl scout cookies are worth that, but I’m so touched that you would try and make it up to me in such a nice, thoughtful way. Of course, I couldn’t keep them. I think our neighbors, Wesley and Autumn, would miss their cruise tickets a little more than I missed my cookies. We’d hate for you to get another reprimand from your supervisor, wouldn’t we? But don’t worry, I dropped the tickets right in their box the next day, so they probably never even missed them.
I also really appreciate you delivering my mortgage statement to someone else. I almost didn’t notice except that after I paid bills, there was a bit more money in the account than usual. Again, what a thoughtful person you must be to try and get one of my neighbors to pay my mortgage for me. They didn’t redirect it, so it’s very possible they are dumb nice enough to send in a payment. Next time, just go ahead and deliver it to me though, OK?
One last thing, and this might hurt a little. I’ve been having the UPS guy deliver my packages. Now, don’t get upset. He’s just so nice about it, and comes to the door and everything. Sometimes, if a package is heavy or I’m holding the baby, he even carries the package inside and sets it wherever I’d like. I wanted you to hear it directly from me, so there aren’t any hard feelings.
I’ll be seeing you,
Andrea
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