For Lovely Madeline

Last Wednesday, April 7th, marked the one year anniversary of Madeline’s passing.

I wanted to write a post for Maddie on the 7th, but the words wouldn’t come.  Only tears, only sorrow. 

I knew last week would be hard, but I didn’t know that I would fight tears with every word I spoke, or that my fingers would refuse to type.

My family and I spent the day outside, and with help from Victoria  and her family, we planted a purple flower garden in honor of Maddie’s beautiful spirit.

If I could have just one wish, it would be that things were different – that Maddie could be here, with her parents and baby sister Annabel, where she belongs. 

It breaks my heart that my wish won’t ever come true.  I can’t build a time machine, can’t erase the last year and have a do-over.

What I can do is offer a few photos of Madeline that Heather and Mike haven’t seen before.  I took them on October 28, 2008, just a couple of weeks before Madeline’s first birthday. 

I had turned off my flash, not wanting to blind Maddie every time I took a photo.  The pictures turned out so dark, and my photo editing skills are so awful, that Madeline couldn’t even be seen.

But with a little patience, and a little bit of help from some half-way decent photo software, Maddie appeared from the darkness.

Heather. Mike.  Annabel.  I wish with all my heart I could give you a world with your sweet Madeline in it.

Madeline.  You are so missed, and so very, very loved.  Now and always.