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GARDASIL: To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate Against HPV

* It took me 11 months to get up the courage to write this post.  So if you need to be judgmental – fine, but keep it to yourself.  I’ve judged myself enough for all of us, thanks. *

I talk a lot with other parents about the woes we will face as parents of teenage daughters.  Often, the new vaccine GARDASIL comes up and we discuss whether or not we will vaccinate at the suggested age of twelve. 

There are many parents out there who plan to refuse the vaccine, stating that they will teach their daughters about abstinence, and therefore their child will not need it.  Further, I’ve heard that giving them the vaccine against HPV will give girls a false sense of security about sex in general.

Anytime I hear these arguments, I want to say a lot of things but mostly I want to tell my story.  But I don’t.  Because it’s painful and personal and I’ve spent a lot of years trying to get over the way it made me feel about myself. 

But it’s time.  My hands are shaking as I write, and I know that I’ll hesitate before hitting “publish”.  If my story helps convince even one parent to vaccinate their child, however, it will be worth it*.

———–

When I was twelve, I was raped by a friend’s older brother. 

It was on a cool, crisp winter day during Christmas break.  A day that started out like any other for a girl in that wonderful stage between playing with dolls and wearing make-up.

The end of the day showed a different person, one who didn’t feel she had any choice but to go on with life and pretend she hadn’t been raped by an 18 year old man while her friend laughed from the top bunk. 

In my 12-year-old mind, I couldn’t tell my parents because they would never look at me the same way again, would stop loving me, or find some way to blame me for what happened.  In short, everything would change.  I wanted to hold on to the hope that despite what happened, I would still be the same young girl I was when I woke up that morning.

My parents knew something was wrong – but I wouldn’t talk to them.  They sent me to see a psychologist who, for lack of any concrete information, determined that I had an unhealthy fascination with black people (and by the way, you spell quack Q-U-A-C-K). 

Over time I learned to wear the face of a normal person.  I also decided that it was better to give something away than to have it taken without permission.  During the ten years that followed, I made a lot of choices, both good and bad.  Each and every one of them was shaped in some way by what happened to me that day.

As a teenager, I finally told someone – my best friend Rachel, who continues to be one of the rocks I lean upon for support.  As time went by, I told a couple of boyfriends, my husband.  Eventually, my mom.

I’d like you, please, to imagine you are my mom for a moment.  Listening to her grown daughter tell her what she went through at the age of twelve.  What she continued to go through on her own, letting one incident that she had no control over shape who she became.  Imagine how my mom felt, wishing that somehow she could go back in time and make everything alright.  Understanding her daughter in a whole new way.  Wishing she could have been there to hold her daughter close and tell her that a mother’s love is forever.

Now imagine that, instead of sitting on the couch in my mother’s living room, we’re sitting together in a cold waiting room.  Holding hands and talking about the future.  I look to her and confess the secret I couldn’t tell her for fifteen years.  

A nurse calls my name, and my  mother leads me in to have my first round of chemo, because I’ve got cervical cancer.  Already, doctors have removed my cervix because, despite yearly pap smears, the cancer was already at stage 4 when they caught it.  I’ll never be able to have children, but hopefully I’ll survive. 

I don’t have cervical cancer.  I was lucky I didn’t contract HPV.  The man who raped me robbed me of so many things in life – fortunately, my health and my ability to have children weren’t one of them.  Please don’t leave your daughter’s future in the hands of luck, when you can take it by the horns with a simple vaccination. 

Sexual activity, at any age, is not always a battle of abstinence versus promiscuity.  Most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.  The rapes of young girls are especially under-reported because they are children dealing with something most adults can’t handle.

Don’t be the mom holding her daughter’s hand in the waiting room, please.  Unless she’s twelve, and you’re waiting for her GARDASIL vaccination.


I am all for a parent’s right to refuse vaccinations.  My own children have not been “fully vaccinated” according to standards because I exercised that right.  However, if the reasons for refusing the GARDASIL vaccination are purely because a parent believes a child will abstain from sexual activity, I disagree – heartily.

24 replies on “GARDASIL: To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate Against HPV”

Andrea I am so very sorry that happened to you. You are so very, very brave. I first have to say bravo to you for having the courage to write this.

I have been very conflicted about the Gardasil issue. my little girls are only six years old. I want to be fully informed and aware when the time comes. This post gave me a whole new perspective. I have always been pro-vaccination, it comes from being the daughter of a public health nurse. But Gardasil is so emotionally charged.

Anyway, THANK YOU for hitting publish. I hope writing this helps you heal just a little bit too.

Thanks for this post.
My husband and I were just talking about this the other night. (Our daughter 3.) My concern was/is that Merck was not forthcoming with all the info from their test trials and that not all strains of the virus are prevented so there is still the possibility of contracting HPV even with the vaccine. Additionally, some serious, yet, unlisted, side effects have been reported (such as death). But even before reading any of that, the thing that freaked me out was the fear of being forced to have our daughter vaccinated rather than us being allowed to research
and decide for our daughter ourselves.
~K.

I don’t agree at all with people being forced to vaccinate. As I said, I only take issue when people don’t want to based on the fact that their daughters won’t be having sex.

Thank you so much for providing some information on Merck – I’ll have to do a little digging!

You are a very smart lady and I wish I could hug you through the computer. Thank you for your powerful story. I really had not given the issue much thought even though I have two daughters. You have shown me that I need to think about it. Truthfully, I have been so focused on wondering if my girls will have to have a hysterectomy at the age of 29…like I did 6 weeks ago. I need to remember that there will be issues well before that age. So, thank you.

My heart broke reading your story. You’re right, anything could happen and we may never know until later. I urge anyone to read ALL the information you can before you decide to get the vaccine. From what I’ve read, I’ve learned that the percentage of girls who suffered serious side effects was higher than the incidence of the cancer it’s supposed to prevent. That concerns me. Merck’s profits were not where they wanted them to be, so they started another hard push for gardisil. THAT concerns me. If anyone has anything concrete to disprove what I’ve read, I’d love to see it.

I am crying a little, but thank you for sharing! I wish I could reach back to you at 12 (and any other girl struggling) and give you a hug. Besides the discussion on the vaccine, hopefully this post sparks a few home discussions about acceptance and communication. Maybe some parents will go to their kids and remind them that they will be loved no matter what, and maybe–just maybe–that will prompt a little girl to ease her burden.

Hey girl. I’m leaving this anonymous for everyone else, but I found out about Gardasil when the trials were going on. That’s how I found out I had HPV. And the beginning stages of cervical cancer. My fertility is messed with. If only it had been around a few years earlier.
Excellent article. Thank you.

You are very brave. I am sorry for what you endured.

I have a 4 year old daughter and have thought about this issue. I’m not sure what I will do when the time comes. I am hoping there is more research available in 8 years to help in my decision.

Thank you for sharing this difficult story.

It takes a lot of courage to share such a personal story. When you share such a painful secret that you have kept for so long, you liberate yourself from the pain and shame that forced you to keep that secret.
I also hope that in ten years when my daughter is twelve there will be more information available about the drug. Unfortunately, many parents don’t have that luxury, they must make a decision now. All you can do as a parent is try to gather the most information available and make an informed decision. Thank you for sharing your experience and insight.

Thank you. You’ve offered an incredibly powerful perspective on Gardasil that I won’t forget when the time comes to make this decision for my daughter. Congratulations on getting through this hideous experience and for having the courage to tell the story.

What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Andrea, you have guts. And you make some very valid points.

My only concern, as others have mentioned, is about the vaccine side effects and Merck’s reasons for pushing it so strongly anyway.
I myself was given the rubella vaccine at school at age 11 – normally rubella is only a worry if you are pregnant so why at 11? Well, only a few years later many girls from that class *were* pregnant. That’s the reality.

((((Hugs))) and kudos ~~~ to you for sharing. I have to admit that I am so out of the loop, and I haven’t had a health care provider mention this to me. I guess I need to get some researching done-soon.

Thanks so much for the birthday wish!! It wasn’t so painful….

Thank you for sharing this painful, personal story with us. I’m sorry you’ve been through it, but glad to hear you’re healthy. How awful. I admire your strength to point out to others that it’s not always our own kids we need to worry about.

That’s an awful story and I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I can only hope your attacker is locked up for something, rather than being out an about with other potential victims.

As for the vaccine, I agree that it’s naive to assume your kids will abstain, but for this particular issue, I think way, way more research and transparency is needed.

It’s madness to start requiring this of kids going into school– it’s just free testing for Merck. I’d be paying for private school at that point. Hopefully things are clearer by the time my daughter is that age.

Again, I’m so sorry and I’m glad that you have been able to deal with this in as healthy a way as you can in the years since.

Brave doesn’t even begin to describe what I would call you. Hope that this story helps some moms realize it isn’t always about choices.

Painfully well written Andrea. Thank you and I am so very sorry. You’ve given me a new way to think about this vaccine. I hope you feel a tiny bit better and stronger for hitting publish.

Really great post. Thank you for writing it. I am pro-vaccination and plan on this one for my daughter as well. She’s only 19 months old but her dad and I don’t agree on this one. I agree that we will need to make it clear, this vaccine is not a free pass to have sex.

Painful but important. I’m really glad you wrote this. So glad you’re healthy and have a wonderful family now.

& I’m PISSED at your ‘friend’. What cruelsome creature laughs like that? I hope she realized what a horridity she was an accomplice to.

*HUGS*

I just got my third and final gardasil vaccine today, 2 weeks before I turn 27. Merck paid for my vaccine because of my income bracket or lack thereof. It was suggested to me by my obgyn to go ahead and get it while I was still in the appropriate age range. I was informed that Merck would most likely cover the vaccine so I figured what the heck. The only side effect I had was that my arm was sore at the injection site for a day as with any other shot. I have always debated whether this shot made me smart or slutty just because of hearing other people’s opinions. Was discussing it with a friend and she pointed me to this post, after reading what you wrote Andrea I know that I’m a smart woman for protecting myself. My friend said it best people lie and condoms break and she is absolutely right. Definely better to be safe than sorry!

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